Monday, February 16, 2009

02.16.2009 The Day After

Oh yeh. yesterday was my birthday.
only one person noticed which is the way i prefer it.
relatively speaking, i had an ok time at badlands last night.
i still hated being there and i felt so alone most of the evening.
Oh and John were the couple and i was forgotten some (not most) of the evening but i would look around and feel so alone and lonely but Oh did make an effort (Unlike saturday) and John even reached out which was nice but in a way it felt like "i won so i can be nice to you now"
So the birthday wasn't suicidal but was bearable.
i want to eat my cake and have it too, i want people to pat me on the back for my birthday but i don't want a fuss cause it's my birthday. ignore it but don't ignore it. give me the gifts and then leave me alone.

Today, Oh and i had a long discussion on me feeling excluded and left out. now that it's out in the open, I don't think i'm going to be able to say my little sarcastic jokes for a while without getting yelled at. Bummer, i liked those jokes. I liked being able to say "So, what are you and John doing today" "So, where are you and John going" I liked referring to Oh as "You and John" too bad there isn't a good way to "Brangalina" their name

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