12.26.2008 Xmas Hangover

That has got to be the worst xmas ever.
It was bad.
Oh pissed me off a lot.
His plan to spend xmas with his bipolar buddy ruined my xmas. He had a plan and he got his way and he didn't even care how i felt. I almost didn't go to the xmas dinner but decided to do my best to ruin Oh's day.
I didn't even speak to oh on the hour drive, it was all part of the plan.
I was going to give him the impression i was going to be really debbie downer at the dinner but i knew that the moment i walked in the door, i was going to flip the switch and become very socialable. I know the minute i got out of the car, Oh told Jon that if i ruined his day, he was going to let me get home on my own. Which would have been cool since i would have kicked him out of the house that night. I did get a few funny mean shots at bipolar man, i'm very proud of those becasue they were very mean and it made me feel good. i think bipolar knows how i feel now and maybe i'll be able to deal with him better.
My wheels are turning over this new development.
cool.

The dinner was nice. i was able to be super socialable because i got drunker and drunker. The hour long drive home was awful, the world was spinning, car lights were buzzing by and making things spin more, i was near puking the whole way back but i wasn't going to give Oh the satisfaction of pulling over. It might have been fun to puke in the car but i didn't think that was a good idea.

Got home and luckily i wasn't very hung over this morning. glad i took the day off today. i'm not sure i want to go to the gym today, maybe a day off would be good.
tomorrow is another day.

Very white skin and huge bicep, tricep, and forearm. i'm getting hot now.

11.06.2008 It's starting to hurt a lot

He said i'd be happy.
Hell no i'm not happy, i liked that he was dating J and i had my weekends to my self.
now, he's around and i'm not sure i like that.
I want my privacy back so no. i'm not happy.
i'm also suffering a lot.
my tooth aches so bad and i know i have to go to the dentist.
If it continues to next week, then i'll have to make an appointment
but
right now, i'm popping advil like m&m's

Wifebeater with hot arms.

10.13.2008 Happy Columbus Day

Day Off today. it's a good thing. Tomorrow is a day off and that's a good thing. James wants' to go out on a date with me for a salad or coffee or something so i'm going to say that's a good idea cause from his pixs he looks kind of cute/handsome.

Oh is trying to break up with J. and i'm not sure i like that one bit. I really like that he's not here on the weekends. If he breaks up then damnit, he's going to be hanging around here a lot and i'm not going to like that.

Yeah! Latinos!

08.23.2008 Reminders

I think i've become a little too intimate with Oh's failures.
He's been avoiding me a lot lately.
He hardly even lives here much which is actually kind of cool.
He does his laundry here
He watches the DVR here
He showers here
and onces he's all done doing the dirty work,
he's off with his new crew.

Is the new crew because i've become a little too intimate with his failures.
He can't bull shit with me around because i'm a reminder of his failures.

I've been there when he left the hubby and decided he had to move back to america to make his fortune.
I've been there when he said he was going to open a gay bar in Oakland
going to open a gay bar in SF
going to open a gay bar in Walnut Creek
going to open a bar in Atlanta
going to open a prep school
I've been there when he was fired from his job
no place to go and i let him stay at my house/rent free
Repo came knocking at MY door to repossess his car
No car and had to drive him around
I'd come home and he'd be there sitting watching Oprah
I've been there and that's a lot of failures

I've been pretty intimate with his failures and that's a tough thing to know.
He seems to want to stay away from me and avoid me as much as possible.
He has a history of doing this, he has a group of friends and they get to know him pretty well and realize he's a lot of talk and very little comes from it.
He dumps them because they get a little to close and he realizes that he can't continue the "Big Talk" with them around so he creates a new group of friends with little history of him.

And then, Oh says shit about them to his new crew.

08.13.2008 The Truck Guy

I realized i was the guy with the truck.
You know the guy, he's not a great friend but he's the guy who has a truck so you keep him handy for the occasional move which requires a truck.
I'm that guy with a truck.
I'm the one who does the heavy lifting.
the other guys are the fun friends who he wants to hang out with on the weekends. The fun guys.
He doesn't like to mix the truck guy wiht the fun friends.
On the weekends, when he's out with the fun friends, i'm at home doing the heavy lifting of cleaning the toilet, vacuuming, mowing the lawn, cleaning the kitchen while he's out with the fun friends, in LA, in SF and the clubs.
I'm that guy with a truck and it's sad because i actually have a truck.
The analogy is so true on so many levels.
it's deep.

08.11.2008 Another Monday.

Sad when you are having a better time at work than you are at home.
Sad when you dread going home and prefer staying at work.

Oh gives me a story about why his car was repoed. it sounds true. he asked me if we were best friends and i said yes. he said he thought of me like his brother, a brother tha he actually likes.
then....
he asked if he could borrow the truck to go to Second Sat.
I said no.
i wasn't comfortable with that so he asks for a ride to second sat.
I said ok.
I was bummed a lot having to be the driver to his fun saturday night.
i was bummed that he had a fun sunday night.
I am bummed so i decided somethings.
i'm going to stop or try to stop trying to be so agreeable.
Saturday his was pissed off at me because i didn't invite him to go on my chores like go to Costco, he told me pissed off on the phone "I guess that means i'm not doing anything today. Thanks for not inviting me. I guess i'll just stay here and do nothing"
So, i cut my plans short just so he wouldn't be mad.
To please him, i took him to lunch and then we sat for hours at the coffee shop while he waited for his fun night to start.
I cut my day short and didn't do some things and he doesn't even acknowledge or even thank me.
so today, i just kind of gave him a cold shoulder treatment.
He wanted to go out for coffee and get out of the house becuse he's here all day watching tv and i said
No. i don't want to.
He was not happy so he said will you at least give me a ride to the bus stop. I said ok.
he called his bipolar bud and they made arrangements to hang out together.

Tomorrow i think will be the same thing, i used to do shoulders on tuesday so i think i should start that up again.
I don't care if he's starving or wants to get out of the house, damnit, it's my house, why can't i just come home and veg out? don't guilt me.

Things go from bad to worse.

The R__ thing is over.
I didn't call him back in a time he wanted so, he's not returning my phone call.
I guess i'm not that upset but kind of i am really upset.
He was a cute guy but i guess it wasn't meant to be.

08.06.2008 Perry

Downloaded Jane Says by Janes Addiction and Pets by Porno For Pyros.
cool songs.
My Ipod is starting to look kind of retro. Freedom 90 by George Michaels. If you were here by Thompson Twins (I was 16 Candles and it's a great song from the movie), Wicked Game by Chris Isaak (he was a hot guy in the day).

Same ole with my life. I don't see any forward movement with Oh. He's kind of glued to the couch which is not a good thing.

I think i'm getting over this envy i have with Oh.
I kind of looked at my life and his life and realized, i got him beat by a mile.
I was always envious of him because he was going out to LA and SF every weekend, partying and having fun and making friends and i was home cleaning the toilets, mowing the lawn, and cleaning the kitchen. It got me down because i was envious of that. BUT everything changed with the Repo man taking his car. I realized that the most important things in life are (in no particular order though they are numbered)
1. A roof over your head.
2. Food on the table.
3. Some sort of transportation.
4. Steady job.
5. Money left over for fun.

I got all those and Oh doesn't so i'm pretty much over the envy. The important things i'm all set, he's so not near me, it's funny. Funny that i was envious of him. this inferiority complex i had toward him has now flipped to a nice smug Superiority Complex.
Neat.

08.05.2008 The Elephant

The Elephant

It's not discussed much in the house. Well, it's not discussed at all. Oh still doesn't have a car and now he's settled into staying at home, sitting on the couch and watching TV. This worries me a lot, he doesn't seem worried or down about it though he did say "i'm just keeping my head above water".
So now i'm kind of the chauffer and i drive him around. I"m not going to offer the car or the truck. That's a No NO.

It has become a little difficult lately and yet, i'm not in such a bad mood lately mainly because i don't want him to feel worse than i think he probably is feeling? but what if he's not?

And now to a more upbeat note...maybe?

R__?
is that going to be another one date date?
or is there going to be another one?
I"m not even sure he liked me at all.
I would like to call R__ this week and see if he wanted to hang out this weekend. I hate that he only has friday's and his Saturday is a like a Sunday so he has to go to bed early since he works on Sundays. So the only really time we have is on Friday or Saturday afternoon. I'm thinking about maybe either dinner on friday or brunch on saturday and something casual. He doesn't like downtown so it's going to have to be someplace other. I wish i could go to SF and spend the afternoon with him. that would be fun but this week jit's too late to plan and next weekend, i have to work overtime at work.
sucks.

Ah well, R__ is really not my type at all.
He's on the short side.
He's a very white guy.
He's a republican.
He's kind of geeky in love with his guns.

The things i do like about him are he's pretty talkative.
He's a nice guy
He's intelligent.
He has a paying job that he likes and he's not poor.
He has a cute stocky body that's adorable.
He's actually an adorable man.
He's cute though i don't like cute but he's a cutie.

8.03.2008 Knock! Knock!

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
Who's there?
Repo man...
Repo man Who?

Repo man took Oh's car today.
It's a Sunday and he got his car reposessed.
On one hand, i feel really bad, i almost wanted to cry, i felt so bad and confused and relieved it wasn't me and relieved because i thought they were cops and were going to arrest Oh.
On the other hand, i'm wondering how he's going to get around, I have two vehicles but i know for a fact, i'm not letting him use my car and maybe sometime, i'll be ok for him to use the truck but damnit, i'm doing a lot and more than is expected of me, I am letting him stay here for free so why should i dip in extra and have to help him out with his car problems/repossed.?

I'm not lending him money (or any more since he owes me the money for the amsterdam trip).
I'm not lending him the use of the truck or the car so he can go partying around town and out of town.

He knew about this.
He said he knew they were going to take it away on Monday but i guess they were early but he knew about this.

He's been going on trips to Amsterdam. To LA and he's a frequent traveler to the bay area. Those things cost money and he was going to Brazil and Houston too. He wanted to go to Palm Springs the next holiday. Those things cost money. Instead of diverting money to where he should, he was partying around here and there.

I'm not this way at all. If i have to pay for something, like rent or a car payment, i will do without other things. When i was in santa barbara, i ate stove top stuffing to pay for the rent. i was almost anorexic because i wasn't eating correctly and i was paying rent. This is the way i am. i do without to make sure my bills are paid. He doesn't do this. i'm amazed and really annoyed.

I'm going to have to hide the car keys now and also hid the petty cash because, in all honesty, i really don't trust him anymore.

This post is about a hour after my last post.
In that hour, things have really changed for the worse.
I feel bad that he's in the predicament he's in but he put himself in the position.
He had a very well paying job and because of mid life crisis, he decides to quit.
I can be sympathetic but my sympathy only goes so far and i'm getting to the end of that line.
that decision of his was his decision but without my vote, it's having an effect on me too which i'm not happy about.

man i feel like crying right now.

08.03.2008 It's all part of the Plan...?

So is this the plan?

To drive Oh crazy mad at me so he moves out?
Is it really a plan or is it just happening?
Lately i can find just about anything to get mad at Oh.
Everything was going along pretty smoothly because i had R__ showing interest in me. So i think i was in a good mood. But now it's back that Oh is annoying me about anything and everything.
I got mad the other day because he is going to 2nd saturday with bipolar man and he invited me to go. The reason is odd but follow along. I've wanted to go to 2nd saturday for a long while, it sounds fun but i don't go because Oh has stated many times in the past that he hates it and thinks it stupid and maybe has said he wouldn't be caught dead at 2nd saturday.
I have this policy that i will never ask anyone to do anything they don't want to do. I don't want to drag someone to sometlhing and have to feel like they are not having fun and that would ruin any of my fun so it's a rule. Do not ask anyone to do something that they don't want to do. So i would never ask Oh to go to 2nd Saturday.
Bipolar asks him to go to 2nd satudary and he's all for it. ?
so i wasn't very happy about that. we dragged it out and fought about it and decided that we both have different ideas on things and nothing was settled but at least be both got it out in the air. I don't plan on changing for Oh and i know he's not going to change for me.
So.
He's going to 2nd saturday with a load of friends including Bipolar man and i will not go because i don't like Bipolar man. I'd have a awful time and i'm not going. So Oh is not happy wiht me.

Oh gave me a speech about how he likes to do things with me and it's not the activity but it's the company but the reality is that Europe happened. He said he would do stuff i wanted to do but in Amsterdam, I got the speech after i asked him what he wanted to do in the afternnoon . He said " I want to go back to the hotel but i can't be Robert won't do anything by himself" That really hurt my feelings and after that comment, the trip was done and i was really upset after that.

He's now pissed off at me because i'm kind of cold toward him. and just about anything i say kind of pisses him off which i think is because he wants to get in his "diggs" before i get in mine.

Is that my plan?

Sunday's Men in Cowboy hats...He's furry and pretty and has nice nips/pierces

07.30.2008 Goodbye to Minimal

Yeah! today is payday.
My favorite time of the month.
We find out tomorrow if the Gov is going to start paying us minimum wage. the bastid.
i can feel the weather starting to warm up but luckily it's still in the lower 90's. the AC is on and off.

I wanted to go jogging.
I didn't go jogging.
Went food shopping with Oh at Costco today.
i was so happy this weekend, i would look at the kitchen and say "it's so clean and minimal"
well that ended today.
Oh bought a load of junk and now it's all over everything in the kitchen. I miss living alone.
he left to go do coffee today and leave me to a workout but by the time he left, the urge to workout had left so i just watched Venture Bros. and i'm now here.
I'm still wondering why i'm going out on a date with R__. He's really not my type at all but i guess you have to put yourself out there and be a little social.
Tomorrow, i have to figure out what i'm going to wear to the date. I'm thinking casual so maybe a nice shirt wiht some nice jeans or maybe some cords.
I'll figure it out but it has to be very casual and that means no tanks or tshirts.
have to remember the "do not be negative" stuff that i have to remember.

07.29.2008 I wanna jog today

I wanted to go jogging.
I didn't go jogging.
I did a so so shoulder workout.
I think i'm now doing more of a workout on the shoulders at the gym now.
since Oh moved in, my tuesday shoulder workout is now extinct, well until he has dates like today.
he said he's going to move back to alabama in winter cause summer in alabama is atroctious.
I really want to jog today but now it's too late.
maybe tomorrow.

R-- keeps calling at my bedtime. I kind of know he's going to call but i turn off my ringer to the cell so i don't have to answer at my bedtime. i needs my sleep. I'm not really sure i'm all that interested in him. He isn't my type at all. he's very white looking. he's balding which is hot on some guys if they buzz it really close which from his profile, i think he does but i think he's on the short size. i'm not into short guys. i may like his personality but the republican thing kind of bothers me. he called me again last night and left a message to call him back. left his phone number too. i already have it on my cell phone. it's now 7.15pm so i would guess he's out of work so i should call him . Oh is out on a date so i would have my privacy. which is good.

07.04.2008 Happy 4th

Coincidence?
Bozo the Clown died today.
Jesse Helms died today.
....

Going to Baz bbq later today. I'm cooking the world famous chili for the pot luck. Hopefully, they will eat it all because i already did my pigout ona chocolate cake.

Gym was a good chest workout. Very cutie tall slim kid in a wifebeater was working chest and he was handsome. Not much else worth noting.
Tomorrow is bicep and
maybe sunday is shoulder and
maybe monday is back
I need to do a lot more cardio to get rid of the tummy.

Oh is out of town, in LA and again, i'm envious that i didn't get to go but he didn't seem like he really wanted me to go along so i got the hint and i really didn't want to go through the same thing that happened in Amsterdam where he said "dammit, i have to stay out cause you don't want to go anyplace by yourself" damn that hurt my feelings so i'm more aware and decided i don't want to go where i'm not wanted. Still nice to have the house to myself for the weekend and next week cause he's in SJ.

Nice that Baz invited me even though i don't see him much. hopefully there will be cuties for me to meet but most likely all not my type.

Was sort of destructive so i buzzed all my hair off again. I have the mental patient/ insane asylum inmate look so i'll have to wear a baseball hat.

downloaded a load of Depeche Mode music for the July commute playlist ipod

06.29.2008 A Quote About Gay Bars (Scene)

From Ben Patrick Johnson:

What are your favorite gay bars and/or dance clubs in Los Angeles? What do you like about them?


Bars and dance clubs are an important facet of our community's visibility, both historically and today. They serve as a social nexus as well as being many gay people's first experience of acceptance (of sorts) by a group. However, for me, bars and clubs hold little interest at this point; they served a role for me in my early 20s, but that phase of my life has passed. I'm on to other stuff now.

05.22.2008 Back

I'm Back from Amsterdam.
More details later but i survived with no serious injuries.

05.04.2008 Nervous

and the count down continues.
two more days and it's off to Amsterdam.
i'm nervous as all hell.
i'm not much of a traveler.
I prefer to stay at home and veg out.
this whole travel to europe thing is kind of stressing me out.
i hope once i get there, i'll feel better but right now, i'm nervous as all hell.
I got my bags packed, i just have to put the snacks and the magazines and books to read and ipod in the backpack.
Neighbor is looking after the cat.
The lawn is moved and the water timers are actually working which is cool.
i'm going to start using the timers to water the lawn in the summer. cool.
The house is clean. cleaner than it's been even before i moved in.
the new rule of anything comes in, something of equal or greater value has to go out (I bought some shorts and a "polo" shirt so i pulled out an old pair of shorts and old small "polo".

I'm now sure how this is going to work out traveling and living with Oh 25/7?
that's one of my biggest fears.
Right now i can get away from him when he annoys me, but in europe, he'll be around all the damn time.
I have a feeling what's going to happen is he's going to want me to leave him alone and wander off in the city by my self and then if i get back, he'll be gone, visiting his friends.

I already told Oh, he has a habit of making plans and not letting anyone know until the very last minute so it's difficult to change plans and if they do change plans, they are the "bad guys" and he's the "good guy".

i'm all nervous as hell.
i'm not much of a traveler.

Sexy sexy cowboy. he looks very determined

04.24.2008 And so it goes

Oh asks me where i want to go to dinner, anyplace i want to go to dinner.
So i say How about buckhorn and Oh says no don't like that place. Oh says anyplace you wanna go.
how bout paesanos?
Oh says no, had dinner there last night and the portions are too small. nope. anyplace you want.
how about tower?
Oh says, no, i had brunch there.
and so it goes, he picks where he wants to go and we go.

So, Oh asks me where i want to go to when we go to Europe....
do i have to repeat what i just wrote above?
ok, it's fun
So Oh asks me where i want to go to when we go to Europe.
I say ok, London, Paris, Italy, Spain.
Wait for it......
Oh says No way to Paris, i hate the place it's not nice and i hate the people. No paris.
London?
Oh says are you set on London? cause it's so so expensive and i don't want to fly through Heathrow
Italy?
Oh says, no really interesting place, it didn't impress me.
Spain?
Spain is really great but it's way out in the middle of no where and hard to get to and far away from eveything but it's a hawt place.

and so it goes of course, we will end up going to places he wants to go.
visiting friends of his in Amsterdam and staying in Amsterdamn/netherlands the whole time.
He loves gay bars so we will end up visiting his regular gay bar hangouts in Amsterdamn.

I'm going to europe and i'll probably only see gay bars.
i knew this was going to happen so i can't beat myself up over it.



Hot looking guy in a wifebeater

04.20.2008 Monks and Europe

Nothing comes into my house unless something goes out.
It's a new rule and i'll see how long i follow.
If i buy a new shirt, an old one gets donated away.
A New magazine, one gets thrown away.
New towels, old ones are gone.
You get the idea.
I'm trying to get rid of all the clutter i have in the house right now.
I"m going from room to room and throwning out junk that i've packratted.
in the end, i will have the bare minimum in the house, only what is necessary and
try to keep it that way.
A Monks House.

we'll see?

Countdown to the Europe trip.
Not sure where we are going or what we are doing.
I just know that we are going to Amsterdam.
Oh wants to go to Spain/Stiges and i kind of wanted to do the Eastern European countries.
Prague, Munich, Vienna, etc.
he wants to avoid England, France and i think italy.
Well, anyway, it's Europe and i've never been.

You look awful pretty in that cowboy hat

04.02.2008 Are We There Yet?

Are we really going to go to europe in May?

rumor is that we are going to London, Amsterdam, Prague, Munich, maybe Vienna maybe Italy maybe France Maybe Spain.
Well, it's all "Maybe"

I have to ask for three weeks off from work so i'll do that tomorrow to get this "Maybe" a go.

I still wonder about the cat.
I still wonder about the lawn.

I'd rather not go but that's my fear of the unknown speaking.
If i had my choice, i'd rather go to NYC and spend a week there. to me that sounds like fun but Europe? that's scary so maybe that's why i should go.

Wednesday Jeff O looks good in a RedHat

03.30.2008 Xavier's Choice

I have the choice.
Today is sunday and this weekend i spent it spring cleaning the garage and the two closets. it's been really messy and the dust in the garage made me think i had a cold but, i don't. This garage spring cleaning and the clostet cleaning started when Oh commented on cleaning up the garage. So that's what i did, he of course said he was going to help out but decided to be anyplace else but here helping me clean the garage. He left for SF to he can have sex with two of his fuckbuddies.

I have a choice.
The garage is looking nicer but i have to do something with the mountain of comic books. I have to weed out everything that is worthless and decide what i want with the other stuff, i should research EBay because i am thinking of getting rid of all the comic books. I have stuff i haven't even read.
The closets are looking better but still need work. It was probably good that Oh was gone so that i could get into the spare bedroom clean out that thing and throw away all those damn old magazines (why am i keeping them? and why am i such a pack rat?).

I have a choice.
Tomorrow i have to do some yard work (it's the ceasar chavez day off from work!) i love days off but it's another work day for me in the yard. not much of a holiday for me.

I have a choice.
Oh comes back tomorrow. this whole spring cleaning started because of him. He implied that the garage, the coffee table, the diner room table, the closets the backyard were messy and needed work. so i'm doing them one week at a time. He's was in Europe playing around for three weeks while i was spring cleaning the house and the garage. He comes back and promptly goes to SF and i'm still spring cleaning.

Do i say what's on my mind that i'm annoyed that he's out of a job and i'm here spring cleaning the things/rooms/areas he implied were dirty/messy? or do i just not say anything? I really don't want to hear his sexploitations of this weekend with the two guys. I was getting dirty while he was getting nasty. That's not any fun and it bugs me. Do i say this? I don't think so, he doesn't want to hear any of this and i really don't think he cares. it's best choice is to write this down and vent online and let it go.

that's my choice.

Sunday Cowboy hats. This guys looks cute in the cowboy hat and in his underoos

03.17.2008 Spring Purging

It's sad or is it? that i found some joy in spring cleaning this weekend.
Ok probably sad but still, it's nice to purge some of the junk in the house.
I'll be on this weekly purge for a couple of weekends, then i'll have to start working on the outside yard.
it's a damn embarrassing mess.
Oh will be back on Monday Eve. I'll miss my alone time and my house and my regular lazy solitary routine.

I think a lot of my coworkers think i'm nutzo and they kind of stay away from me which is pretty cool. I think
i'm starting to over do it too, kind of like the attention sometimes when i crazy out so i have to start watching that. Be less psycho and more even tempered. I was supposed to be the neutral on at work but lately i've been slipping back into the crazy one.

Finished the funny and goood Middlesex. I thought it was going to be all serious and it ended up being a pretty funny book. I'm glad i read it but i don't think i'll be an Oprah book club member. I'd recommend Middlesex because it was pretty humorous. I'm now reading Lullabye by the guy who wrote Fight Club (Chuck something starts with a P) it seems to be more of a odd horror story and he gives a lot of detail to the oddness. it's a short book but so far it's keeping my attention.

I think he's latino, he's hot and those arms are amazing, he's hot, he must be latino.

03.09.2008 Spring Fever

I have spring fever.
it's so pretty outside.
a perfect sunday.
did my nice light sunday chest workout and shoulder.
No one really cute at the gym, no eye candy but that's ok, i go to workout so it's good.
did a a lot of laundry and then went shopping.
bought this cute green trucker hat (i know, those are out of style but it's still cute), tight green tshirt for St. Patrick's Days, and some levi's jeans.
Came home, cooked for the week and took a long nice nap wiht all the window's open.
the weather is perfectly perfect for spring.
I have spring fever.
I still have a load of spring cleaning to do but i have two more weeks before Oh gets back.
I'm loving this time without Oh in the house.
Oddly, with the weather So So nice, i wanted to go to the club for the Beer Bust and if Oh was here, i definitely would have gone. All rested up and spring fevered to see the cute guys in the daylight.

I'll just stay home and watch Gone Baby Gone, instead of going out.

Cute guy in a Cowboy Hat

02.28.2008 Spring is So So Close

The sun is shining. it's in the 70's. Spring sure feels like it has sprung (until it slaps us down and reminds everyone it's March). It's pretty today. No complaints. Oh is out of town. I worked out the way i usually do. I notice my house is not my house lately cause he has moved things around and now i have to move things around too. The once "clean" spare bedroom is now once again a mess because i had to move the weights and the bench out of the spare "Oh's " bedroom. It is nice to have the house to myself again. He's going to be gone for a few weeks starting on next Thursday.

I'd like things to get back to normal but i don't think that's going to happen for a long while.

I need to buzz all my hair off. It's a spring thing.

Tomorrow is the 10th anniversay for 24hour fitness. I've been going for 10 years and i've noticed some changes. I wish there was a lot more since i figure, after ten years, i should be totally buff and i'm just "fit". I keep saying i have to re-do my workouts but never get around to it. lately, i think that's because Oh has been around a lot lately, stifing my body building career.

March, i will add more weights again and try not to hurt my already hurt "tennis elbow".
should be a good weekend. maybe a bike ride?

Nice Wifebeater

02.26.2008 Still Breathing

Oh is still here. I thought it was going to be two weeks but he's kind of stretching out to be longer. I am betting a lot longer. After the initial awful uncomfortable adjustment that both of us had to get through, we are now getting along a little better and everything is back to "normal".

I still don't like living with someone. I feel uncomfortable and i can't do the regular weird stuff i usually do when i'm living by myself. I almost feel like i'm a guest in my own house at times cause i can't do this or that. I don't like that feeling at all.

I asked him to leave from 5pm to 7pm so i could do my shoulder workout at home and he's still gone so that's good. Spring is almost here and my workouts are starting to suffer. now is the time to step it up and i'm having to tone it down cause Oh is here.

i'm not that happy with the arrangement but i'm adjusting.

Buzz. Can you get any prettier/handsomer/sexier than this?

02.19.2008 I'm So Confused

The heats back on (literally and figurately).
Oh seems to have decided to be nice to me again.
Oh talking to me and trying to pal around with me again.
Oh invited me to lunch today but the last couple of lunches were not friendly so i'm wary and i declined.
Oh wanted me to meet up with a co worker of his for lunch and i declined. i'm still not sure how he's going to treat me so i'm going to be careful.
Oh called while waiting for his friend to arrive for lunch and again invited me cause he wanted me to meet her but i declined again. So we chatted about possibly cleaning the garage this weekend to make room for his stuff and integrate his food into my cupboards.
Am i being too sensitive or paranoid in thinking that he's just being nice to me cause he really doesn't have anyone else to trust with staying with and doing some of the favors he wants done?
I'm confused and i'm taking it easy

Buzzed. I like guys with a buzz

02.18.2008 Civil

Civil.

Oh and I are doing the civil thing.
being civil with each other.
I'm trying friendly but he's not interested in my friendship.
Oh just wants to be civil.
I have all these things i want to say but i'm biting my tongue.
I know that if i say anything, he's going to take it the wrong way (On purpose) and it will make matters worse.
I was going to ask him straight out what this was about. are we no longer friends. but i decided against it.
i was going to ask him on a scale of Tom on one side and a buddy on the other, where i land. he hates Tom. But i didn't. i'm going to just sit back.
we go out to breakfast or lunch and he doesn't talk to me at all. mainly one word responses to my questions.
I make the effort to be nice but he's not taking it.
Then he disappears for the day.
He'll take on his cell phone and slyly talk "behind" my back.
So we are being civil.
cold and civil.

I may be contributing to the "cold" since, i've decided, that he doesn't want anything to do with me so i'm not going to make an effort to make his stay comfortable, I don't turn on the heat since i'm usually the only one home so guess what, i don't turn on the heat anymore. He made a comment today "Man, it's warmer outside than inside"
Cold yeh.

He's a hot latino

02.17.2008 Put on a Happy Face

I tried today to ease the tension.
explain what i said.
but Oh wasn't hearing it.
I did my best.
I put my best foot forward.
I think i should just let it go.
I'm not going to be petty or anything.
I promised to let him stay for two weeks.
I will be on my best behavior.
I won't be angry or hurt.
I will continue to be nice to Oh.
I think after he leaves, it's best to move on to something else.
It will be ackward because he practically lives at the club but i had already decided i wanted nothing of the club.
I have to start making up for lost friends since Oh has been around.
I have a lot of fences to mend.
I think he's been a negative effect on me lately so i think it will be good when he is no longer in my life.

02.17.2008 Stop the Countdown.

That didn't take long.

One day.

Oh is furious with me and has stopped talking with me.
He kept asking me "are you mad at me. are you mad at me" so today, i told him why i wasn't happy. the driving a strange car in a strange town and i was stressed out and he has to ask every miniute "are you mad at me are you mad at me"

He didn't like that at all my answer.

I am basically a non-person to him now. I live in my house with someone who could care less about me. I'm bothered by it but i don't think i'm going to be crying over it.

The way i see/sense it is that, our friendship is over in his eyes. I'm just some"thing" to be used until he gets his own place. He did this exact thing to Eric and now it's my turn.

Luckily for him this all happened AFTER i helped him move. he gets all the benefits of a free room and board and he doesn't have to acknowlege me at all. He's in the bird seat right now. I have a feeling he's going to use this as much as possible. Use my good nature and willingness and doormat personality to get all that he needs then just drop me. He's probably out tonight with his friends of the moment, talking shit about me behind my back. I'm here at home watching DVDs.

This new year, new birthday, new life is sure the shits.

Nice Cowboy Hat

02.15.2008 Happy February 15th To Me

Yep. Just another day. woke up around 8am. took my supps. doing laundry. cleaned the fridge. i have to start on cleaning the house later. Should go to the gym but i think i'll do a chest workout at home. another year gone by and it's about the same as last year. yep. just another day.

Oh calls and says i can take the train and arrive any time i want. of couse, he says he needs to get here before 5 so that means i have to get on the train before 10am. sure sure. any time i want, so says Oh.


Oh is moving in on Saturday, Countdown to disaster. He says only two weeks and then says "but after two weeks you are going to want me to stay longer"...ok, Oh, No.

White

02.11.2008 The Straw

I am so done with going out to the club. Last night was the last night (well until the next last night). Almost got in a fight (physical) fight with a dumb ass who was mad that i pushed his friend on purpose. Well, ok, maybe it was my fault but the pushy little bitch boy kept pushing me so i pushed him back hard and his drink went all over him the pushy little bitch boy cries to his mamma and mamma demands i buy pushy little bitch boy a new drink "You own my friend a new drink" Of course, he didn't get a new drink. I just calmly explained to pushy little bitch boy that he better keep his hands off me.

For christ sakes, i'm 45 yrs old and i have to deal with immature idiots. I have to deal with kids at a bar. there must be a better way.

of course, Oh was more interested in getting the bitch boys protector's phone number then to stand by his friend. that annoyed me a lot. I explained twice what happened to him. He was aware of who i was talking about and what had happened and still, he wanted to make friends/fuck buddies with the protector of pushy little bitch boy. I'm pissed and i'm not sure i'm happy about that at all.

There has to be a better way than going to clubs.

I love Latino Men, I love Brazilian Men

02.05.2008 Male Bonding

is shaving your friends back a male bonding ritual that every one has to go through?
If it is, i don't wanna male bond anymore.

I'm almost positive that Oh wants to move in for a while until he gets his stuff together. It's not something i want to do at all. I'm very happy with my home and living alone and i don't want a room mate at all. What i want is no roomate but i'm not sure it's what i'm going to get. He's really demanding a lot of me lately and it's starting to put a strain on me.

What a handsome buzzed guy

01.31.2008 No Sense

I really have to learn how to act in public. I really have to learn when it's ok to joke around at work and with who and with what. Today, i learned a good lesson and hopefully, i'll remember it. Don't joke around too much cause people just don't get your sense of humor and work is not the place to joke around with others who don't know your humor. I didn't get yelled at but i did feel the tension in the air, i amd going to obsesse about this for a while and i'm going to own up to my stupidity and i'm going to take what ever comes my way and hopefully i'll learn. i'm hoping.

01.28.2008 Beer Bust Review

As i thought, beerbust was a bust. I don't think anyone noticed me and i wasn't really in the mood to be noticed. I just sort of took up space. Oh did his best to get me happy but i wasn't having it. He was his usual "i fucked him. and him. and him. yeh him. i fucked him. and him. yeh that guy too. and him." Every cute guy that walked in, he apparently fucked. I seriously rolled my eyes and knew if he said it one more time or if he started to count up the number of guys he fucked in the bar, i was going to call it a night. He seriously wanted to sing karaoki cause Rafael was going and he didn't want to hang out with me anymore so i did the gentlemanly thing and left. I could feel him almost race out the door to get to someplace other than with me.

I"m seriously going to have to re-think this homosexual deadstyle of mine. there's something wrong.

Handsome hunky muscled Latino in a too small red bikini

01.27.2008 Evil Things He Says

Oh really pisses me off a lot. nice brunch with his friend Scott D and had the very nice unexpected hello from joey. Of course Oh just couldn't keep his mouth shut and he had to say something mean spirited. Oh is a mean guy. Oh says "that guy gives me the creeps" i said i like Joey. he's a sweetie (cause he is a sweetheart), later on i said Joey was very popular on the trip we took and Oh says "well of course anyone who barebacks is going to be popular. the guy has aids" Oh is so so full of SHIT. that's so not joey but oh had to say something that mean just to say something mean. i didn't say anything cause i'm trying to not fight with the guy but i may have to later say don't ever say shit about joey anymore. end of story. no discussions. zip it.

Oh is really trying my patience. i have to go out tonight to that damn beer bust. He already said he told the two guy friends of his that i don't like them and i said "that figures you would". i may end up going for a few minutes then leave. i'm on edge with him and it doesn't look good. I think distance is really good for our friendship so him living here is not a good thing.

Today was chest day and it was kind of not a good workout. it was a light chest but i had this awful gurgly stomach that just wasn't helpful when pushing heavy weight. no fun at all. Totally HOT looking light skinned black guy today. Totally hunky muscle body. nice chest. nice shoulders . nice arms. nice mid section. sexy lips. He had a baseball had on but i am sure he had a nice buzzed head. so so hot.

What a hot looker in a Cowboy hat

01.15.2008 Ignore Me

It's such a difficult thing for me to be social. i feel so much more comfortable just sitting there in a crowd and not being noticed. For me, to make the effort to be part of the crowd, is difficult. I was somewhat successful today but i noticed i would drift off and then sometimes i'd hide in my own little world as everyone engaged with each other. Each comment from me was a chore. I do notice that i'm at ease if i'm mean and evil. If i say something mean, it comes very naturally to me and it gets a laugh. I'm comfortable with this role when i'm with a group and it's something i should develop more. Mean/Evil fits me.

I have my weekend guest this weekend. I thought i was going to have to train it out to San Jose so i'm in a way glad i just have to clean the house. I hate cleaning the house but it's better than the train and SJ isn't someplace i want to spend much time in. I'm sure its a very nice city but if i'm going to train it someplace, i'd rather be in SF.

Another cute guy in a RedHat. DJ AAron

01.15.2008 Pay Attention

I'm reading the Kite Runner and it's getting good. It's been really good but now it's getting into the meat of the book. I had trouble reading the book on the train cause the father's illness and death made me tear up which isn't so good when you are on a packed train. i had to stop and start the book yesterday. I get so involved with my reading that i either forget my stop on the train or i get off at the wrong stop. Today, i got off at the wrong stop, fortunately, it's only a half mile walk to my correct stop so it wasn't that bad. the weather was nice and it was still day light so i was safe. After my little stroll, i didn't feel up to my regular should day (i like working shoulders) so i just had dinner and watched an odd youtube video of Tom Cruise accepting some award for scientology. That guy is on freakazoid.

The boss gave a parting "fuck you" to the unit. she's such a bitch and i'm glad i didn't congrats at her retirement. i wanted to give a halleluja! but i kept quiet while every padded her on the back. Today she left her mark and did something mean/evil but she doesn't care cause she's gone in a month.

I love guys with buzzed or shaved or shorty short hair. so nice.

01.14.2008 Good Monday

Well Monday wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be. I may actually meet my January 21st deadline, which is good. My boss is leaving in February which is such good news. All in all a nice Monday which doesn't happen often. Maybe this is the start of a good week? maybe? I have the three day holiday to look forward to, so that's good.
Good looking Latino for this winter Monday

01.13.2008 Death

Things to Remember.

Start the car once in a while or the battery dies.

Dead.

I'm going to have to add this reminder on my calendar.

What a shitty way to end a shitty weekend and a start of a shitty week...

01.13.2008 Week End

Ok. That was a suckassed weekend. first i had to work, which was ok since i didn't blow anything up but of course i had to ask how to do this and how to do that a few times so that bothers me.

Dinner with Bsilly was nice. Met some nice guys. I put on my best face and still i felt uncomfortable. Not attached to the group which isn't so unusual cause i'm not part of this group. I did put on my flirt with oiram but he's definitely not my type. I think kcirtap was jealous with the flirting. I felt bad that i was about the only one who didn't give a gift. my bad social skills strike again.

I broke two of my rules of seduction, 'be generous', i was cheap. i'm pissed off at myself at that.

Sexy Guy in a Cowboy Hat

01.10.2008 Weekends Almost Here

Tomorrow will be a breeze, i have a couple of projects i have to complete but they should be easy. A very easy day at work,i hope.

I have no plans this weekend, none at all. I have to work overtime on saturday but that's it. The highlight of the weekend will probably be a trip to costco. I live the vida loca. I should go out and do some face time at the localbars but i have Battlestar season II.5 and The L Word season 4. Since my cold is practically gone i'll look into changing my workout routine but on saturday i think i'll workout at the gaygym. I need a new hobby. I think next weeekend i'm going to have to go to San Jose but luckily that's a three day weekend.

Wifebeaters look sexy on some men.

01.09.2008 Commuter Reads / X-Men: The Return

X-Men Book
fluff commuter reading.
X-Men: The Return by Chris Roberson
This was a no brainer fun comic book book. The book had an odd team (Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Collosus, Kitty Pride, Betsy Braddock, Rogue, Beast, and Doug Ramsey). The book pairs them off in interesting teams and they act and react the way you want them to. Fun no brainer book, sort of embarrassed reading it on the daily commute to work but then i really shouldn't since you have the homeless guy with underwear as earmuffs.

I just started The Kite Runner. I hear it's more serious than the X-Men book and so far, it is. I'm on page 70 or so and it's kind of rough but i'm getting into it. sad and rough, interested in where it's going even though i've read some of the movie reviews so i have a good idea. Next book will be another fluff, i think a zombie book that i recently bought.

Another cute guy in a red hat

01.08.2008 Gloom

Another gloomy rainy day. I was actually very busy at work, i like it busy, i had deadlines and i kept most of them. I think it's supposed to rain again tomorrow but be clear in the weekend which is good but i have to work this weekend overtime.

It was shoulder day today, which is a favorite workout day. I noticed i look kind of "slim" in my face which is odd since i don't think i'm losing weight but i have to be careful cause i'm in a gaining weight mode right now. Winter should be about lifting heavy and gaining weight.

Craig David is sure one handsome man. He looks sexy in just a plain white tshirt and jeans. that's a good sign when you don't need a lot to look sexy.
Craig David - Hot Stuff (Let's Dance)

01.07.2008 Kingdom

Kingdom was such a supergreat movie. started out like an intense episode of CSI: Saudi Arabia and then all hell breaks loose. Everyone in the movie was great. I loved the messy fight that Jennifer Garner has as her character literally is fighting for her life and doing what everyone should and hopefully would do, bite the guy in the head and stab him in the crotch. Jamie Foxx was good but kind of played the regular Jamie Foxx no nonsense character he plays a lot. Jason Bateman also kind of played his usual smartassed character. Still it was one great thrill ride and had a sad ending and an even sadder end. totally recommended.

I started to read Kite Runner. I'm on page 14, i have a feeling i know where it's going but i'm keeping an open mind. the language is very "florid".

Latino Cutie

01.06.2008 Term Limits

I have to start putting time limits on my internet. I end up wasting time in the gay.com chat rooms or waiting for someone to notice me in adam4adam. This was one of my new years resolutions and it hasn't really clicked in yet. My current excuse is that my cold is preventing me from working out so if i'm not working out, then i'm on the internet. I definitely need to look into getting a hobby. crotchet anyone? As soon as this damn cold gets out of my body, i'll definitely do less internet. in the mean time, why am i being ignored on gay.com and adam4adam?

Sexy Cowboy

01.05.2008 Adam4

I get no responses at all from my adam4adam account.
None.
i have a hidden picture so that maybe a reason.
guys like to see what they want and don't want and when they don't see anything, they usually go to the crotch shots. My picture isn't a crotch shot, it's a g rated full body shot, black and white, i look chunky in the picuture is a nice buzzed haircut. i think it looks good even though i'm chunky in the pix and i don't look good in a buzzed haircut but it's a recent pix but still, it's hidden.

The profile also has a disclaimer "Not into hookups". kind of stands out in the sea of NSA and Horny or Looking for Now.

I'll have to think about that profile, i already deleted the "Wallflower" comment cause it sounded kind of ... well you know, gay.

I love shoulders, Just love shoulders

01.04.2008 Wind

I can take the rain. i don't like it but i can take it. I just don't like wind. then you add the rain and it's not my favorite thing. walking during lunch was a challenge to stay standing. it was that windy. the trains weren't working because of all the downed power lines and broken tree limbs so i had a hell of a time getting back home.

Once i got home, there's a note on the door, which i was sure was someone saying they were mad cause a limb fell down and decapitated their child. I was wrong, it just was the neighbor letting me know a limb was balancing between her house and mine. She doens't like trees so she has none, cut them all down and thinks i should do the same. I have some major storm cleaning around the house, break out the chainsaw and the rickety latter. i'll either break my neck, electrocude myself, or chainsaw my body in half.

I don't like the wind. it blows.

This is one white guy. He has cute pretty little nipples.

01.03.2008 Quentin Elias Recent Pictures

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01.03.2008 Quentin Elias

Is it me or has Quentin Elias gotten too big?
I really do like guys who are stocky and muscley and all that but i liked Quentin when he was muscely but not so steroided big. Not that there is anything wrong with steroids but i liked Quentin when he was well muscled not steroided muscled. His pout even looks like it's on steroids.
I still think he's hot but he's not sort of blowup doll hot. ok. he's not hot to me anymore but he once was very hot.

http://www.quentinelias.com/

01.02.2008 Shayne Ward

I have this thing for men with buzzed hair. I like it a lot. To me, it's sexy on men. I'm not a long hair fabio fan. It's just too odd for me.

I don't have the look to pull off buzzed hair.
I have this pale skull, black and grey buzz hair and odd bumps and divits and ridges in my skull.
It's not a nicely formed skull. I sort of look like i escaped from the mental institution after shock therapy.
I look pretty bad in a buzz but i buzz it anyway cause it's so much easier to work with and it kind of has a butch look about it which is cool. I like buzzed hair.
No fuss.
No muss.


Shayne Ward is one cute guy. He's a pretty guy. I like the way he looks in a buzz. he's a cute guy with a nice skull. the music isn't something i'd download but the video is nice to look at.
I guess he won a season of The X Factor (American Idol is the US version of this show but with celebrity coaches)

01.01.2008 Buzz

Fun With Hair

The hair is buzzed off for the new year.
I really should have gotten before during and after pixs but the buzz was sort of an accident. I didn't mean to use the 2 guard on the low setting, but once it's done, you just have to go for it so that's what i did. it's nicely buzzed for the cold winter months.

I am now sporting the deranged ex-marine look.

It's winter so i can keep it short and wear hats and not worry about hat hair.
i'll let it grow out in the spring when it starts to get warm then buzz it off again for the summer months.

01.01.2008 Tuesday New Years Eve

Look up the word "Adorable" in the dictionary and you will see Joseph Gordon-Levitt's face.

The New York Times has a cute video of Joseph ( http://runway.blogs.nytimes.com/ ).

Watch it and swoon at the cuteness.

Try as i might, i didn't hook-up last night. NYE was as uneventful as expected and the trying to hookup was really a half or to be honest a no hearted try. As catherine Tate would say "I'm just not drunk enough" or most likely, they weren't.

I just don't have the "moves" or the "grooves" that drive men wild. I'm not talking about the dancefloor, i'm talking about that unmistakeable vibration that successful men give off that drives guys wild. I don't vibrate. I think i give off a snore or a thud. I think i fade into the background and then disappear.

If you watch the video, you will notice that Joseph gives off an adorable vibe. He makes me smile the moment i see him. Not a sexual vibe for me cause he isn't my "type", he's on the twinky side which is cute to snuggle with on a cold night.

Love this new song by Martha Wash (Keep Your Body Working - VJMF & Tony Moran Edit)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78yS7GmcGkA