01.31.2008 No Sense

I really have to learn how to act in public. I really have to learn when it's ok to joke around at work and with who and with what. Today, i learned a good lesson and hopefully, i'll remember it. Don't joke around too much cause people just don't get your sense of humor and work is not the place to joke around with others who don't know your humor. I didn't get yelled at but i did feel the tension in the air, i amd going to obsesse about this for a while and i'm going to own up to my stupidity and i'm going to take what ever comes my way and hopefully i'll learn. i'm hoping.

01.28.2008 Beer Bust Review

As i thought, beerbust was a bust. I don't think anyone noticed me and i wasn't really in the mood to be noticed. I just sort of took up space. Oh did his best to get me happy but i wasn't having it. He was his usual "i fucked him. and him. and him. yeh him. i fucked him. and him. yeh that guy too. and him." Every cute guy that walked in, he apparently fucked. I seriously rolled my eyes and knew if he said it one more time or if he started to count up the number of guys he fucked in the bar, i was going to call it a night. He seriously wanted to sing karaoki cause Rafael was going and he didn't want to hang out with me anymore so i did the gentlemanly thing and left. I could feel him almost race out the door to get to someplace other than with me.

I"m seriously going to have to re-think this homosexual deadstyle of mine. there's something wrong.

Handsome hunky muscled Latino in a too small red bikini

01.27.2008 Evil Things He Says

Oh really pisses me off a lot. nice brunch with his friend Scott D and had the very nice unexpected hello from joey. Of course Oh just couldn't keep his mouth shut and he had to say something mean spirited. Oh is a mean guy. Oh says "that guy gives me the creeps" i said i like Joey. he's a sweetie (cause he is a sweetheart), later on i said Joey was very popular on the trip we took and Oh says "well of course anyone who barebacks is going to be popular. the guy has aids" Oh is so so full of SHIT. that's so not joey but oh had to say something that mean just to say something mean. i didn't say anything cause i'm trying to not fight with the guy but i may have to later say don't ever say shit about joey anymore. end of story. no discussions. zip it.

Oh is really trying my patience. i have to go out tonight to that damn beer bust. He already said he told the two guy friends of his that i don't like them and i said "that figures you would". i may end up going for a few minutes then leave. i'm on edge with him and it doesn't look good. I think distance is really good for our friendship so him living here is not a good thing.

Today was chest day and it was kind of not a good workout. it was a light chest but i had this awful gurgly stomach that just wasn't helpful when pushing heavy weight. no fun at all. Totally HOT looking light skinned black guy today. Totally hunky muscle body. nice chest. nice shoulders . nice arms. nice mid section. sexy lips. He had a baseball had on but i am sure he had a nice buzzed head. so so hot.

What a hot looker in a Cowboy hat

01.15.2008 Ignore Me

It's such a difficult thing for me to be social. i feel so much more comfortable just sitting there in a crowd and not being noticed. For me, to make the effort to be part of the crowd, is difficult. I was somewhat successful today but i noticed i would drift off and then sometimes i'd hide in my own little world as everyone engaged with each other. Each comment from me was a chore. I do notice that i'm at ease if i'm mean and evil. If i say something mean, it comes very naturally to me and it gets a laugh. I'm comfortable with this role when i'm with a group and it's something i should develop more. Mean/Evil fits me.

I have my weekend guest this weekend. I thought i was going to have to train it out to San Jose so i'm in a way glad i just have to clean the house. I hate cleaning the house but it's better than the train and SJ isn't someplace i want to spend much time in. I'm sure its a very nice city but if i'm going to train it someplace, i'd rather be in SF.

Another cute guy in a RedHat. DJ AAron

01.15.2008 Pay Attention

I'm reading the Kite Runner and it's getting good. It's been really good but now it's getting into the meat of the book. I had trouble reading the book on the train cause the father's illness and death made me tear up which isn't so good when you are on a packed train. i had to stop and start the book yesterday. I get so involved with my reading that i either forget my stop on the train or i get off at the wrong stop. Today, i got off at the wrong stop, fortunately, it's only a half mile walk to my correct stop so it wasn't that bad. the weather was nice and it was still day light so i was safe. After my little stroll, i didn't feel up to my regular should day (i like working shoulders) so i just had dinner and watched an odd youtube video of Tom Cruise accepting some award for scientology. That guy is on freakazoid.

The boss gave a parting "fuck you" to the unit. she's such a bitch and i'm glad i didn't congrats at her retirement. i wanted to give a halleluja! but i kept quiet while every padded her on the back. Today she left her mark and did something mean/evil but she doesn't care cause she's gone in a month.

I love guys with buzzed or shaved or shorty short hair. so nice.

01.14.2008 Good Monday

Well Monday wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be. I may actually meet my January 21st deadline, which is good. My boss is leaving in February which is such good news. All in all a nice Monday which doesn't happen often. Maybe this is the start of a good week? maybe? I have the three day holiday to look forward to, so that's good.
Good looking Latino for this winter Monday

01.13.2008 Death

Things to Remember.

Start the car once in a while or the battery dies.

Dead.

I'm going to have to add this reminder on my calendar.

What a shitty way to end a shitty weekend and a start of a shitty week...